Contract thief.

So when I can't sleep, I look at the mug shots online from Meck County. I like to see what the people's names are, what they're arrested for, and to see if their picture matches their reason for arrest. I like it when they're arrested for drugs paraphernalia and looked stoned in their pics. Or when they're pulled over for drunk driving and then are all disheveled in the picture.

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I scrolled through a couple of days worth of mug shots. And who do I see? OUR STUPID EFFING KITCHEN CONTRACTOR. Arrested for larceny (misdemeanor, $200 and up). So gawd only knows what he stole. Something worth more than $200.

Having had my house burglarized in Little Rock, I'm ridiculously paranoid about it happening again. I'm super careful about opening the blinds, carrying in shopping bags, and receiving shipping packages that are left at the front door. Now, I feel like he could have been casing the joint. Probably not, but my mind has been racing since I saw his ugly mug.

All our contractors (Head Fred sticky fingers and his workers) know Bob works a lot. They know I'm here alone. A lot. They know what we have, how large our ridic television is, what we have stored in our garage, and every item we have in our house. They also know we have guns strategically placed throughout the house (think Mr and Mrs Smith). That I'm unafraid to use, which my Mother pointed out is why they prob didn't mess with me. The entire reason we hired this guy was, because I felt comfortable with him. I felt okay being alone with him in the house. Well, I'll be damned if he isn't an effing criminal.

Ridiculousness.

Girl Meets World.

Do ya'll remember Boy Meets World? If you're a girl between the ages of 28-35, yes you do. Don't even try to deny it.

So I'm sure you've seen that there's a new spin off show coming out. Cory and Topanga's daughter will come of age in Girl Meets World. I will, without a doubt, watch this show.

I hope the producers, directors, actors, sound dudes, costume designers, and Kraft service guys know that if they eff this up, an entire generation of pissed off chicks will be after them. And I will be leading the charge. With a flaming pitchfork.

Formal Sunday and proper pickle placement.

Our friend, Tall Jay, not to be confused with Small Jay, has hosted "formal Sunday" for the last couple of years. We get all dressed up and watch football. This year, he's taken "formal" to another level. Last year, formal meant no jeans, suits for boys, cute dresses or slacks for girl. This year, "formal" for the girls means sequins and pearls. Omg. The formal part of formal Sunday was cancelled today. Mainly because it was cold as balls. So. For future weeks, I can pull out my turquoise dress from my friend Amy's Bat Mitzvah in 1993. It's amazing. Somewhere on my old blog, there's a picture, but I'm too lazy to go find it right now. Picture this... knee length with layers of tulle under the skirt, sequined sweetheart neckline, puffy off the shoulder sleeves. Fashion plate, baby. 

Anyway. Jay grilled burgers tonight. Everyone in the free world knows I cannot eat a hamburger without pickles. Not happening. So before I went over to Jay's, I asked... do you have pickles. Yes. Okay.

What did he have? Dill. Pickle. SPEARS. How the balls am I supposed to enjoy a hamburger (which is merely a vessel for pickles) with SPEARS? Omg. Yes, he got yelled at.

Not only do I need approximately 10-12 pickles per hamburger, they have to be placed in just the right position to ensure at least one pickle per bite of burger. If they fall out, they're replaced. They have to be the right temperature and the right thickness. I'm sort of pickle snob. Clearly.

Small appliance? I think not.

So something happened a few days ago and it's still very much on my mind. Maybe some of you have experienced this...

Thursday we went down to Bob's Aunt and Uncle's house in South Carolina for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a last minute decision since we weren't able to get back to Louisiana for the holiday.

We arrived at their house and they were already cooking. We all hung out in the kitchen, talking, nibbling, cooking. Aunt has a double oven and both were working overtime. I saw casseroles and cookies and pies coming and going from both. All of a sudden it dawned on me... Where's the turkey? There had been a turkey discussion, so I knew there was one involved somewhere. I know there are lots of ways to cook a turkey, so I started asking. Is the turkey being smoked? No. Being fried? No. Being roasted on a spit in the back yard? No. That's when Uncle lead me into the dining room/foyer.

Set up on a large card table, was the largest, most massive microwave I've ever seen. Turns out, it's a 1984 model. So that still begs the question... where's the turkey? IN THE MICROWAVE. They fully cooked a whole turkey IN THE MICROWAVE. Even more fascinating, they wrapped portions of it in aluminum foil. FOIL!! IN THE MICROWAVE. And it didn't blow up. And the turkey fully cooked. IN THE MICROWAVE. I'm obvs still flabbergasted by this.

The turkey was cooked appropriately and tasted very good. I have to say, I still prefer mine fried, but now I have a back up for when the fryer and oven are busy. IN THE MICROWAVE.

Have you ever had a microwaved turkey? I can now say... I have.

Post Thanksgiving Thankfulness.

So now that Thanksgiving is over and done with, and since I missed the majority of November, here's what I've been especially appreciating this month:

1. Recipes passed down from all of my grandmothers and great grandmothers. They are so very helpful and comforting when I'm having a bad day. For example, the last week I've kept my kitchen stocked with chicken and dumplins and peanut butter rice crispies, two of my Mamaw's specialties. It's obvs been a long week.

2. Garden and Gun magazine. I like to be reminded that it's okay to be Southern and to be proud of it. I usually get picked on for my accent and the things I eat. Reading all those articles written by fine Southern peeps makes me feel a heap better, ya'll.

3. World Market. We have quite a bit of stuff in our house from there. I'd say it's my favorite store.

4. Cheese dip. Really from anywhere. And any kind.

5. My snuggly, senile, asshole of a cat, Jack. Captain Snuggles when I need him to be. Feisty when he wants to be. Independent when necessary. It's been a rough 13 years, but we've made it through together.

6. Good hair days. My hair has always been flat, straight, thin, and fine. On those rare days when the humidity is JUST RIGHT, it's not frizzy but has body. Those are great days.

7. My grandparents. They've done more for me than they ever should have. They've bailed me out, cheered me on, and loved me my whole life. As an adult, I appreciate them more than ever. They worked hard and built a business from the ground up, and now they're appreciating the life they made. They inspire me to be more financially responsible, so one day I can do for my grandkids what they've done for me.

8. My Brother Little. He's a moody little shit, but my life would be so incredibly different without him. Even though his bedroom replaced my play room, I still couldn't pick a better brother little. Because of our mutual hatred of talking on the telephone, we rarely have lengthy conversations unless I'm in Hometown. But when we do get together, boy, get ready. Those 5-6 hour talks are amazing.

9. My parents. As different as they are, they've both had a profound affect on my life and still do to this day. It seems like we're all still growing up and ever changing, but our relationships stay constant. There isn't a single second of the day that I can't pick up the phone and tell them anything in the world.

10. Bob. He's my best friend, my cheerleader, my therapist, my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at bedtime. Being together now makes all the previous years seem wasted, although we both know we learned a lot from our past mistakes and relationships. We've been married for (almost) 7 months, and even now, a whole lifetime doesn't seem long enough to be with him. I'm so excited to see what the rest of our life together holds. If the last 10 years (and few months) are any indication, it'll be full of sarcasm, love, and enough snuggling to make even the most hopeless romantic puke for days. And cheese dip. And Jack.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving, peeps! I hope you've all had an awesome day full of love, family, and good food!

Weekend Recap... Wednesday Edition.

And it's full of randoms...

First, my friend Ashley sent me this picture from her wedding this past February. If you're unfamiliar with me, I'm the pasty white one who looks naked. So awesome. Gotta love an unobservant photographer.

 

We had our Kitchen Completion Celebration last Friday evening. Our Thanksgiving-style dinner produced a fried turkey, a tester chicken, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, chicken and dressing, and so many pumpkin pies that we sent one home with most of our guests. The food was amazing and having a real live kitchen back is incredible. 

 

Bob's Mom arrived here on Monday. Luckily Bob was off work all this week, so together, they made us a headboard! I'm in love with it. I still have some work to do on our room, like paint, coordinating pillows, and curtains, but I'll get there eventually. This headboard is a MA-JOR improvement. You can't see, but the mattress is our 6th (and hopefully final)... a Tempur Pedic Cloud Supreme Breeze. It's ah-mazing. I've never slept better. It's like a big, cold, cozy hug from your grandma.

So now that we're caught up, I'll probably be absent for a while. Stay warm out there, friends. It's mighty cold outside!

SJ Thursday.

Last year's lady bug is this year's ice cream cone! How cute is this little thing?! An ice cream cone with a cupcake candy bucket! According to her Mom, SJ was a natural at trick or treating. She obvs takes after her Aunt Candi!