A week of remembering.

There are some times of each year that you just know will be shitty. This particular week is one of them. In various years, three of the most important people to ever touch my life all passed away. Add pregnancy hormones and an absent husband and you have one hell of a craptastic week.

The first 5 years of my life, I lived and breathed for my great grandmother, Mom's grandmother. My mom was back in college, and I'd stay with my Nonnie every day when Mom went to class. We had a very special relationship. Even at 5 years old, I knew this. I remember the day she died. I remember where I was (Mamaw's house) and what I was wearing when my parents told me, or rather, when my Daddy told me. My mother couldn't quite speak, if I recall correctly. Nonnie had been her one and only constant during her childhood. We both struggled when she died. I still vividly remember all things surrounding her death on February 10, including her funeral a few days later, again, including what I wore. I wasn't sure what death was at the age of 5, but I knew enough to know my Nonnie was gone.

In 2005, I lost my Mamaw. My Dad's mom was the strongest woman I've ever known. Being the only granddaughter, she and I were special together. I was the one who drove her around, took her shopping (and to Burger King for fish sandwiches and vanilla malts), tilled her garden, learned her recipes, looked at her pictures, balanced her checkbook, learned the family stories, called her almost daily, and was the one she told when she was ready to finally go to the hospital when she was dying. She had a not so very long battle with ovarian cancer, and when she decided she was ready to go, she went. Her death is still the most peaceful event I've ever experienced. Myself, along with all my relatives, cousins, aunts, uncles were in the ICU cubicle when she died. Her breathing and heart rate slowed, and we all thought she was gone. Then she perked back up for a minute, enough for a cousin to comment that clearly heaven wasn't perfectly ready for her yet and she was waiting for them to sweep the floor again. A few minutes later, she was gone. We were all there with her when she took her last breath. It was peaceful and perfect, if you can describe a death as perfect, on February 13. I can tell you from experience, flower shops are not prepared to deal with grieving people picking out funeral flowers on Valentine's Day. But that's what my aunt and I did that day. And yes, it sucked as much as you can imagine.

Through both of those deaths, my Aunt Hazy had been there for me. She was Nonnie's daughter and roommate and had been an important part of mine and Mom's lives. She'd never had any children and made Mom and her own. She spoiled us both, not with money or stuff, but with love, homemade fudge, and amazing margaritas. She was the person that we could both go to for advice, or venting, or anything really. She was a sharp tongued, tell it like it is, smart ass who smoked like a chimney and rarely kept her thoughts to herself. In short, mine and Mom's hero. When she died on February 8, my world was totally shaken. During her wake and funeral, almost everyone there came up to me and told me what an important role I'd had in Sara's life, how she never missed an opportunity to talk about me and what I was doing at that point in life. I knew she had played a huge role in my life, but I never considered the role I'd played in hers. It made the hole she left even bigger, a hole that is still very much there.


I'm so ready for Bob to be home, but his trip back home keeps getting cancelled. He's been told the significance of this week in the past, but I haven't reminded him this year, and he hasn't been at home to see my sadness. This year, it's been my own sad struggle alone, which is okay. It has made me even more ready for my little guy to be here. I need someone to hug and snuggle with, besides Hank, who has had the most epic flatulence this week. Thanks, bud.... as if I needed another reason to make my eyes water.

Welcome to my brain.

I think we've established that sometimes I'm a bit slow on the uptake. I don't deny it. My blonde roots show more often than not. This pregnancy isn't helping matters.

Since getting pregnant, I've been pretty happy that I wouldn't be pregnant during the summer. However, I never considered that I'd be pregnant during the winter instead. Winter. When we have ice and sleet and snow. When travel to and fro' the hospital gets iffy. When your husband barely makes it to work only to potentially get stranded in Maine because of the winter weather. As I said... slow.

The current winter storm we're experiencing has made me realize shit could get real. Soon. Right now, Bob is essentially stuck in Maine on an airline trip. Our roads are impassable at the moment. My car is not equipped to get through snow and ice. All these things make me remember we still have lots of winter left.

So. I'm hoping and praying that when little dude decides to make his entrance into the world it'll be a bright sunny day, with no inclement weather, and a Dad who is in the immediate tri-state area. When I was born, I was 5 weeks early. Let's hope dude man doesn't follow in his Mama's preemie footsteps. Plus, I selfishly want it to be warm, because the coming home outfit I've chosen won't be feasible if it's cold outside!

So think snuggly, happy, bun still in the oven until a warm, sunny day thoughts please!

Baby Gear.

As I stated yesterday, we're getting closer!! I don't remember if I've said this or not lately, but I feel wholly unprepared for this child. We have tons of crap, but I still don't feel like it's enough. I know, I know. I'm trying to think of this as if I were preparing for a vacation... whatever I don't have yet, I'll buy later when I need it.

We got in our car seat. Yay! I went with UppaBaby Mesa, mainly because it's so light and easy to use, or at least it was in BuyBuyBaby when Michael demonstrated for me. With my body issues, I needed something that was super safe, but didn't weigh a ton. With adapters, we can use it with our Baby Jogger City Mini, which I can't wait to use.

Tonight I've been researching baby carriers. I've narrowed it down. I think. We're going to start with a Boba wrap, and then move to a Tula carrier once he hits 15lbs. I could get a Tula to use now, but then I'd have to buy a newborn insert and that's $40 additional dollars I'm not interested in putting into this situation. So. Boba for now and Tula for later.

Our diaper bag will be here tomorrow. I went with a Pottery Barn one, mainly because it's cute and has lots of pockets and storage options. I'm ready to pack it for the hospital! I've also been working on collecting all the crap I'll need for my hospital bag. Gah. I'm going to feel like we're moving in to Presby, which I guess, we will be for a few days.

The only major thing we're still needing is a crib mattress. Or at least I think that's all we need. And we don't need that immediately, because he'll be sleeping in the pack n play in our room for the first few weeks.

It's just so hard to know how many of what you'll need. How many newborn outfits/diapers? How many swaddle blankets and sleep saks? How many paci's and what kind of bottles? Which formula to use as a back up when/if breastfeeding doesn't work? Do we use a video monitor or only an audio one? GAH.

Clearly, Hank is just as excited about our car seast as we are .

39 days!

We're under 40 days. OH MY GOD.

Grandpa George.

We're ending this week on a sad note. Bob's last living grandparent, Grandpa George, passed away this week. He's been having heart trouble since this past summer, and has gone downhill ever since. For the last week, he's been on a steady decline, so we were pretty prepared to get the phone call. Bob took off work this weekend and went up to Maine, mainly to be there for his Dad. There isn't a funeral right now, but there will be a memorial service in May.

Selfishly, Bob and I both wanted Grandpa to be there long enough to meet Baby G. However, I know Grandpa was ready to go. He's had a long road the last few months, and it's a relief to know he's no longer in any pain.

I didn't get to spend a ton of time with Grandpa, but I the time I had was awesome. We hung out and really got to know each other over Thanksgiving, sharing our questionable thoughts about the microwaved turkey we were served. Yes, it's Bob's aunt's tradition to microwave an entire, whole turkey in a 1984 model microwave. No, it's not as good as our fried turkey...

Last year, Grandpa and I both went to Bob's cousin's high school graduation party. Being 32 and 80, we were the singled out generations. Everyone else was either 18-20 or 40-50's. So gpa and I hung out the entire night, commiserating over catered Moes, which was quite an improvement over the microwaved turkey we'd had at Thanksgiving.

While he was known to be slightly grouchy and hard to deal with, I loved him and his personality. After a bumpy first meeting, during which he told Bob (in front of me) that he thought I'd be taller and blonde, we definitely recovered and shared some good times.

He will definitely be missed, but Baby G will know all about his Grandpa George, along with all the other special people Bob and I hold dear.

Lady of Leisure.

Or boredom. So today was my first day of not working. On one hand, it's good because I can rest, prop up the cankles, and keep my blood pressure somewhat in check. On the other hand, holy boredom, batman. I got the point where I took Hank for a car ride just to get out of the house. THIS IS DAY ONE.

Tomorrow I have been asked to hang out with Ben while E gets her hair done. At least I have a reason and function to leave the house tomorrow. So that's good. It's a start.

Wednesday I'm having a me day... pedicure and massage. Thursday is Ikea with Auntie Jess. Friday is my doctors appointment. Now that covers the rest of this week, but then what? OMG.

Goodbyes are never easy.

Today is a bittersweet day. It was my last day my dream job.

About a year ago, I found this job randomly. It's one I've been searching for since college, but I never knew if it actually existed in real life or only in my mind. When I found it, I was ecstatic. I applied immediately, did phone interviews, in-person interviews, and was hired. Seriously. The job combined all my favorite things... old people, exercise, and enough paperwork to make any OCD/anal retentive organizer happy. Heaven.

The last few months have gotten increasingly more difficult. I've decided my body was not made to carry children, especially a horse the size of Baby G. With my increasing level of pain and swelling, Bob and I decided I should go ahead and stop working well before Baby arrives, mainly because certain aspects of my job were no longer doable.

So. Today was my last day, with a promise from my regional boss that I'll have a spot there in the future should I choose to return someday. So for now, I'm classifying myself as a "Lady Who Lunches" mainly with Auntie Jess. Then once Baby arrives, I'll be a stay at home mom.. something I never thought I'd be. But here we are! Now all I need is a BABY!!!

48 days!!

We have 48 days until Baby G arrives. OH EM GEE.

My shower over the weekend went wonderfully. We got tons of stuff for Baby that we actually needed. It was wonderful. I seriously have the best friends ever. Auntie Jess and E put together a perfect afternoon of food, games, and friends.

Tonight while thinking about something random, I remembered a box of childhood books I had out in our garage. Some of those books were ones from my mom's childhood. She passed down her faves to me, and I'll pass them down to Baby G. It's so special to me that we can have this connection through books from generation to generation.

Our teacher friends have already given Baby G around 20 or so books of his own. Bob and I both love to read, and I'm hoping we can instill that love in Baby as well. We're going to start early.

Hormones are a bitch.

So this week has been a flurry of activity in our house. We've been trying to get everything cute and looking just right in preparation for my baby shower this weekend...at our house. Bob had a honey-do list damn near a mile long. I've stressed us both out to the max. Nesting blows sometimes.

So Wednesday night, after an already super long day at work, I decided to tackle assembling our brand spankin' new pack n play... alone. I assumed I could handle it. I could not. It took me 1.5 episodes of DVR'd Ellen to put the damn thing together. Bob got home around 11pm, surveyed my work, and declared that surely it wasn't THAT difficult. Yep. That made me feel lots better.

Once upstairs, Bob started asking questions about how I wanted Baby's curtains hung in his room (which was to be Bob's Thursday project). Aaaaand I lost my shit. I told him I'd just do it myself and he could just go to bed. I went into our bedroom to fold laundry, he came in and told me to breathe, and I lost it. I cried for approximately 30 minutes, hyperventilated a smidge, and then started all over again when I realized he was smirking at the scene in front of him.... ME. Sweet Jesus. He didn't say it out loud, but I KNOW he was thinking, "Where in the hell is the calm, sensible, even-keeled woman I married?" Well, buddy, you knocked her up and now she's a bundle of hormones and tears.

So by Thursday, all was well again. I had another doctors appointment, and Baby G is measuring and sounding just like a galloping horse. I'm now at 31 weeks and so ready for March 20 its not even funny!

Holy balls.

Holy balls. So over the weekend, Bob and I both separately realized just how close we are to becoming parents. PARENTS. Holy crap. We have 58 days until our pre-scheduled, tentative delivery date. Since I'll be having a c section, my doctor will deliver Baby on March 20. HOLY SHIT.

I had a minor meltdown over the weekend and ordered a ton of stuff. My mom and everyone have told me to wait and see what we get from our registries, but I just couldn't. So instead, I used some gift cards we've gotten to order our pack n play, some diapers, some onesies, and a baby bean bag. Have ya'll see those? Supposedly they help with reflux and deformed heads. I know that's not what misshapen baby noggins are called, however, I don't know the technical name. I do know, however, that our insurance does not cover the formative helmets, and I don't particularly want to shell out $4000 for one. So I'm planning ahead and averting that future bill, hopefully.

So anyway. I feel moderately better that we have SOME necessary items for this child. Yes, we have his nursery furniture, but no crib mattress. We have a stroller, but no carseat. That'll be my next random, panicked, impulse purchase, I'm sure. I plan to breastfeed, but I can't order our insurance-supplied pump until 30 days prior to my due date. Gah. I hate waiting.

My nesting may be getting out of hand a smidge. This weekend I also ordered a LOT of clothes for Baby from Zara. They were having a sale, and I bought stuff for next year/end of this year. Winter stuff that was adorable and on sale. I can't pass up a good sale.

On that note, I've recently noticed that a lot of adults are misusing the words "sale" and "sell." It drives me nuts. As if their/they're/there and aisle/isle and all those other words aren't bad enough, people have forgotten the meaning and use of sale and sell, or they don't care enough to fix THEIR mistakes. Either way, it drives me crazy.

Enough rambling... I have curtains to hang.

Productive week!

So since moving into our house last August, I've had a running list of things to do. In the last week, we've mostly focused on the nursery. This coming week, it's the rest of the house. And I want it all done before next Sunday when we have a house full of friends for my shower!

This week we have painted the nursery, put the crib together, and assembled the dresser/changing table.

Still on the list- finish hanging all the curtains, do something with our breakfast nook, make the mudroom more presentable, and finish painting the rest of the house. And I want all these things done yesterday. Seriously. I'm absolutely full on nesting, and it's driving me crazy that I can't just do all these things on my own! I may need to hire/rent a husband!

Showered.

This has been a very long weekend! I left Charlotte on Thursday for Atlanta to spent the evening with Carly, Frank, and SJ. Every time I see Sarah she's grown up more. I'm happy they're in Atlanta, but we haven't seen them any more than we did when they were in Houston! This must change. Once I'm done with work and Baby G gets here, I plan on making it down there more often. There's a saying that cousins are our first best friends, and that was certainly the case in my family. I think history needs to repeat itself.

After Atlanta, I headed to Philadelphia, MS, to host a Tupperware party for Bob's mom. Boy, do her friends love them some Tupperware! From there, I came on over to Hometown yesterday, and was honored with a fabulous baby shower today. My friends Lacey and Katherine are amazing and did a fantastic job. I loved every single thing from the invites, to the diaper cake, to the favors (cookies), and of course, the obligatory petit fours from Trainas. I'll post pics once my official photographer (Kat) sends me the pics.

Baby G got so many cute things. He got an amazing handmade blanket from a family friend, lots of clothes, including some Duke gear (his dad will be pumped), and several pairs of shoes/socks. This kid is set, at least for the first 3 months of life.

I still have two more showers to go... My friends are certainly amazing women!

Imported and open.

If I actually still have readers, you may notice a few things are different.

First, the blog name has changed. Second, there are a ton more posts than there were earlier today.

Since this past June, I've kept a separate pregnancy blog. Mostly a place for me to vent, chat, and expel all the diarrhea from my brain.

Well tonight, thanks to Carly's knowledge, I've merged the two blogs into one. 

If you enjoy stalking, you have a lot of reading to do.

Project overload.

Well, panic hit on Wednesday night. I realized we have NOTHING for this child, besides some absolutely adorable clothes. So. This week, I've ordered his crib (which will arrive Monday), purchased his dresser/changing table, and picked out and ordered the glider/recliner. I also preregistered for the hospital. So that's done. We've also set up his newborn photographer, which is one less thing we have to worry about it closer to his birth... ELEVEN WEEKS FROM NOW.

So along with getting the baby's room ready, I've also need to finish the following projects:
- A Pinterest inspired breakfast nook, compliments of an Ikea shelf turned bench and a Craigslist farmhouse table that need some serious TLC, which I have yet to actually go pick up...
- I also need to finish the guest room pieces of furniture living in our garage and put them in their appropriate guest rooms.
- We need to hang the valance my fabulous MIL made for our dining room and make the panels that go underneath them.
- Set up an office/Tupperware corner of our house for my burgeoning business (ha).

All this along with picking a paint color and actually painting the nursery and hanging the window treatments MIL also made. I also need to figure out how to decorate his walls since we aren't really doing a theme. My Etsy account is working overtime. And we need to put all this furniture/stroller/baby accessories together. With Bob being gone 4-5 days a week. Seriously for the month of December, he was home 3 nights. Three.

I've broken down (tonight) and begged Auntie Jess to come help me with the house. Besides all this stuff, I feel like I need to organize too. At some point this weekend, I'm hitting up the Container Store to spend the rest of my paycheck that I didn't spend at Ikea today. It could get ugly. I'll have to restrain my OCD and not let it out to play.

Good with the bad.

Well, we've all survived Christmas. That's about all I have to say about that.

I am very happy to be back home. I actually slept last night, which I haven't really done since I left for Hometown. It was wonderful.

I don't have another doctors appointment until January 7, but I may end up going in before then. My back is catching with every move I make. It may be time to visit an orthopedic to see if they can do anything. I have 12 more weeks of having Boogie on board, and I need to be able to move without crying every time I move a muscle. Last night was brutal. It took Bob and I around 15 minutes to get me out of our bed. Tears were involved. It was rough. And then it took almost as long for me to lie back down. Horrendous.

I'm also having some issues with my stomach again. During Christmas, every time I ate any food or drank anything, I barfed. This isn't morning sickness; it's my gastroparesis flaring up. It's been interesting. Puking when your ribs and back hurt with every move is nearly unbearable.

I am so happy when I feel Boogie kick. However, that's about the only damn thing I enjoy about this pregnancy. It's been a long 7 months, and while I want him to stay in there and cook a little longer, I'm ready for him to be here for selfish reasons. I'm in pain and misery every day. But like I said, feeling him kick makes it worth it. And I know it'll be worth it when he gets here. I'm just ready to feel better!

Drama.

Well. Today my little boogie decided to give me a little excitement.

I had yet another work Christmas lunch. (Working in 4 different facilities means lots of functions.) Once we were done eating, we had a mini-staff meeting. While still seated, I started feeling a little odd. Swimmy-headed, short of breath, funky heart rate... Once the conversation was over, I stood up, moved around a little bit, and all my symptoms got worse. My coworkers forced me to lie down for a bit. I text Bob and decided I should go to my doc, so he came and picked me up, and off we went.

After numerous blood pressure checks, pulse checks, and temp checks, my docs office released me to go. They said either I'm on the verge of getting sick or sitting in the chair at lunch compressed the blood flow back to my heart. Apparently that happens starting at this stage of pregnancy. The doc said it'll probably happen again, and when it does, to lie down on my left side to take pressure off that blood flow.

Hopefully it WON'T happen again, but I guess I'll be prepared when it does.

Furniture decisions.

So. Nursery furniture. And pretty much everything else baby related...

In the past, I've picked out furniture based on style, color, and whether or not I like it. Baby furniture and gear, however, must include all those things AND safety. It opens a whole new can of worms making sure this kidlet will be safe in whatever we put him in. Crib? Changing table? Car seat? Stroller? So many decisions!!

After reading online reviews of cribs ALL AFTERNOON, I've finally narrowed down some that I like. Cribs are tricky suckers. On one hand, you'd assume the more expensive the safer. That cheaper ones will collapse and amputate some needed part of your baby's anatomy. However, that doesn't necessarily seem to be the case. After reading up on what to look for in a crib and what to avoid, I found some relatively cheap ones that, according to the reviews, are sturdy and safe. I've narrowed down to three, from which Bob will have the opportunity to choose his favorite.

Same with changing tables. I want one that is a also dresser that I use for storage. I refuse to pay $900 for a Pottery Barn Kids dresser/changing table, even though I love it. Again, after reading every review written by moms way more paranoid than myself, I've decided to get an Ikea dresser and use it as a changing table. We have the coordinating grown up bed already and that thing is a solid beast. So I feel confident that the dresser will be just as solid. And the Moms all love it. Sooooo.

We've received our stroller as well. After posting it on facebook, I feel validated that I picked the right one. Moms came out of the woodwork to tell me they had that stroller and it's one of the best. Of course, I'd read the reviews and been convinced in the store, but it's nice to hear personal testimony that something you will be putting your child is top notch.

My friend Kat has always been a super paranoid mom, and I've made fun of her for years. However, I can see how and why she's like that. I mean, I'm carrying this little beast for 40 weeks of torture and agonizing. pain. I'm damned well going to do my best to keep him alive and safe so I can torture and embarrass him during his teenage years in as many ways as possible.  Payback's a bitch.

Kicks, much?

So apparently I'm carrying a horse. He certainly kicks like one. This dude... I mean. It's ridiculous. I can't imagine how active he'll be once he's actually got room to maneuver like the wiggle worm he seems to be.

He already has such a little personality. A strong one, just like his mom and dad. When I do something he doesn't like, I get a kick. Like in the mornings when I do my exercise class. We do a hamstring stretch that involves me leaning forward. Nope, he says. And he kicks. And kicks me to the point that sometimes I gasp. Dude. Lighten up. My poor students. They know when I suddenly sit upright that I've been assaulted from the inside.

Cravings.

I haven't reached the ice cream craving stage of pregnancy yet. I've eaten some over the course of the last 6 months, but no more than normal. I buy the little individual cups of Blue Bell, and I may have eaten 4 of them. Or 5. Whatever.

A friend of ours in Charlotte is pregnant with twins, and she has been on bedrest for the last few weeks. She has recently been allowed to start moving a little bit, so she and her hubs went to Target over the weekend. They went in and immediately bought ice cream. They checked out and paid for their ice cream. Instead of walking out the door, our friend walked over to Starbucks, grabbed a spoon, popped the lid off her gallon of ice cream, and started eating it right then and there. That, my friends, is a craving!

Baby goodies.

So I've started collecting baby clothes. I've bought a few pieces, and we've been given some hand me downs from E and Ben. Shopping online tonight could have been very bad, but I didn't buy anything. I did get a cute little romper and a shirt/pants set today at the mall. They were on sale and adorable, sooooo. I had to, right? I'm still searching for the perfect Easter outfit. I think that will be his major debut. It's also my birthday, and as of now, we're probably going to spend it in Atlanta with his Aunt Carly, Uncle Frank, and cousin SJ. I'm already excited about it!

Also, our stroller went on "clearance sale" this week. I text my mom and asked her if she thought we should buy it now or wait until later. Her response: send me the link, and I'll buy it. Holy crap! I'm so excited!! It'll be our first new piece of baby gear (besides my diaper bag). I can't wait to have it here and give it a test run.